He is a man with a vision, and that vision has absolutely nothing to do with NBA free agency. This according to Cleveland’s mayor Frank G. Jackson, who at his weekly press conference claimed that his idea to officially change the name of his city to “Jamesville” and the fact the city’s brightest star is considering a move to a bigger stage this summer are in no way related.
“I ran on the platform of change,” said Jackson, “and what better way to bring about that change than to just change your name? Do you realize we’ve been calling ourselves Cleveland since 1796?!?! To me that says something. . .this is 2010, and a lot has changed. People expect something new.” Jackson brushed aside the suggestion that the proposal would be viewed as a last-ditch, desperate plea to get LeBron James to re-sign with the Cavs. “This has absolutely nothing to do with LeBron James resigning with the Cleveland…excuse me, with the Jamesville Cavaliers,” said Jackson. “Sure, we want Mr. James to resign and yes, our city’s very survival may depend on it; but there is more to this city than LeBron James. We have the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, we have a beautiful riverfront somewhere, and I’m fairly sure we have a zoo here too because I remember seeing elephants.”
When the mayor was reminded that the city is also home to the Indians and the Browns, Jackson and the entire room erupted in spontaneous laughter after which he simply responded, “let’s be serious.”
Jackson went on to explain that he settled on the name Jamesville earlier this year after reading a book about the Founding Fathers of the United States. When asked on which particular Founding Father Jackson had based the name Jamesville, he paused before replying “I think a lot of them were named James.” Jackson then vigorously defended his decision to repeal all property taxes for any person making over $15 million annually and living in LeBron James’ house as something that “had been in the works for years,” and stated that the new King James Basketball Center being built in the heart of downtown was not in honor of LeBron, but instead in memory of “the guy who translated the Bible.”
Following the press conference, it was rumored that Chicago’s mayor announced a plan to change the name of Six Flags Great America to LBJ’s Superstar Basketball Funland. The mayor’s office could not be reached for comment, but we can only assume the change is related to the 36th president of the U.S. and not to LeBron James.
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